| Chapter 1: Declaration of War The creature was gangly and tall, like a baby giraffe that scowls. Wrapped around its scaly middle was a belt with a deep pouch. Mincing up to the throne room, it stared around hungrily then spat. “Good god, that is disgusting,” Queen Flowerchild said. “Good god, that’s the smelliest thing ever created,” Queen Herekittykitty said. “Good god, that has to be the farthest distance anyone has ever spat,” Coldhaven said. With a grin, Jdiehljr got up from his chair, putting a tray of brownies up on a surface that no one could reach, and went to the creature. He looked back at the others, still grinning. “What do you want to bet?” “That tray of brownies, you don’t dare to touch that thing,” Queen Herekittykitty challenged. “Fifty dollars, you don’t open that pouch and take out the scroll that’s in it,” Queen Flowerchild said. “Scroll?” Queen Herekittykitty raised an eyebrow. “I don’t see a scroll.” “It’s in the script,” Queen Flowerchild explained, “it’s one of those things that no one knows, because the author wants to skip the bit that has JD searching the smelliest, filthiest creature alive.” JD made a face at her. “Thank you. Now you tell me.” “You can give up the tray of brownies,” Queen Herekittykitty offered. “And the fifty dollars,” Queen Flowerchild said, holding out her hand. JD stepped forward, pinched his nose and opened the pouch on the creature’s back. It smirked at him then spat at him. He narrowly avoided it, going green at the smell of chewed grass and kipper. “Here,” he called, then tossed a dripping scroll at Queen Herekittykitty. She caught it, then dropped it with a shriek and a curse, her hands now dripping with slime. “Oh stop it!” Queen Flowerchild muttered, getting out her famous pointy stick, tapping it against her palm as she thought. “Tessadragon!” she called finally and one little Realmian came in, eyes slits of suspicion. “What?” she demanded. “Unroll that dripping scroll and read out what it says,” Queen Flowerchild ordered. Tessadragon stared at her. “No way! It should be dipped in bleach before anyone touches it! It’s disgusting!” Folding her arms across her chest, she declared loudly that she wouldn’t touch it. A second later, she was picking it up, unrolling it and, looking pissed off, began reading it in a monotone. “People of Writer’s Realm and The Moat, you are utterly surrounded by my evil minions. You will surrender your secret stash of writing pens, laptops, brownies and sigtags immediately to me.” “Who could ask such a thing?!” Flowerchild demanded, horrified. “I’m not letting go of the brownies,” Herekittykitty said, taking a bite of one of JD’s secret brownies. “Who?” Flower demanded. “Wait a second,” Tessadragon replied, annoyed, her eyes flicking down the rest of the scroll. “Okay... here we are. I know your every secrets, because I am one of you. I have spent months building up an army. The creature you see before you is the smelliest of my squid llamas. I have many, many more weapons on the way, but shall not tell you what they are yet, because I like cliffhangers.” “A serial writer,” Flower muttered, her worst fears realised. “But who is it?” “I’m Colonel Mackenzie,” Tessadragon read out. “No you’re not,” Coldhaven said. “You’re Tessadragon. You changed your name from Dreamer ages ago. But you’re not Mac.” Tessadragon rolled her eyes at him and brandished the dripping, slimy scroll. “Here. Read it.” Gingerly, he leaned closer. “Good god, she’s serious.” He looked at Flowerchild, Herekittykitty and JD, in one of those moments that deserves dark, chilling music in the movies. “It really is Mac. She’s turned against us.” “And she’s sent these things against us,” Flower said grimly, staring at the squid llama as it nibbled at a curtain. “One good weapon against it could be breath-mints,” Herekittykitty remarked. “This smelly squid llama is about to spontaneously combust,” Tessadragon said, reading through the rest of the scroll. “Why do you say that?” JD complained. “It says so, right here,” she pointed at the scroll. “Mac says it’s April the First, so April Fools. Ha.” With that, a high pitched wheezing sound rose from the squid llama’s insides. “Run!” Flowerchild howled, ducking behind a large curtain. “Get out of here!” Coldhaven agreed, opening a secret entrance and closing it behind him. “Protect the brownies,” Herekittykitty said, following Flowerchild behind the large curtain. “Give me back my brownies,” JD muttered, diving under the table, Tessadragon scarpering just in time. The high pitched wheezing rose to the ear-splitting volume of an air raid siren. “It’s gonna blow!” Flowerchild howled, sticking her fingers in her ears. “It’s gonna fart!” Coldhaven yelled. Herekittykitty stubbornly worked on finishing the brownies, so that JD would never see them again. But she agreed with them, anyway. “Yikes,” all of them said simultaneously as the green squid llama, still eating a corner of one of the curtains, exploded, splattering the four walls with thick green goo. And there was silence. Shakily, the four of them crept out from their hiding places. “We’re gonna have to repaint this place,” Flower said. “Blue,” JD suggested. “Purple,” Herekittykitty said. “Green,” Coldhaven said, since the place was already green with goo. “This is war,” Flowerchild said tightly, thinking of how much paint they’d have to buy to paint this throne room, which was as big as Central Park. | 
